


count the stars in the sky and on your skin

by kareskun



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Space Pirates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 14:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11831079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kareskun/pseuds/kareskun
Summary: Star Wars Femslash Week: Day 5 - Soulmate AURose had a tattoo of the desert on her chest since the day she ways born, as Paige had told her numerous times. It had always been there.





	count the stars in the sky and on your skin

**Author's Note:**

> as always i would like to thank becky chambers and her novel the long way to a small angry planet for inspiring me, not only related to this work, but also in my life. also im rly proud of this fic

“Hey! The air in Sector A’s dirty again! Fix it!”

Rose groaned. She had told them that they needed new air filters for months now, but well. As long as their targets didn’t have any on board, she couldn’t do anything about. But she was gonna fix it somehow as always. It didn’t really help that their ship, the Tiamat, was a piece of junk running on faith and Rose’s skills. She trudged off to see what she could do.

***

Not longer after, while she was stuck in the middle of the wall, the alarms came to life blaring. The corridors were flashing yellow, which meant that a potential target had been spotted and everyone should get to their battle stations. This happened every time. She was in the middle of repairs, and then the captain decided to shoot their ship up again. She awkwardly got out of the wall and taped the hatch shut with duct tape.

Her battle station was the engine room, close to the guns. Nothing really ever happened there, only in extremely dire situation. Rose just had to make sure that they could get away quickly. So she just sat there, dreaming of a black sky with stars. And under it, a desert. She had never been in a desert. But she could feel the heat rolling of the sand, the small grains of sand pelting her face, and the icy cold of the sand. Stroking a hand over her chest, she closed her eyes. The roughness of the sand prickled her fingers.

Rose didn’t know why she could imagine the desert so vividly. But she suspected it had to do something with the tattoo on her chest. Sometimes in the mirror it looked like she could just touch it and her hand would go through and she would grab a fistful of sand instead. Yet it stayed solid, day after day. Sometimes, stars would go out. Or on. Or the twinkled and then joy rushed through her.

Paige said it had always been there. Sometimes, Rose drew constellations between the stars. From time to time, they changed their place. But there was one which always stayed in place, shining brightly. It had always been there. Steady. Until one day, on which it had gone out. For a minute. But that minute had been one of the worst minutes of Rose’s life. Dread had locked hear body, while fear clouded her thoughts. Her breath had come in bursts scared of something – which she didn’t know. She didn’t know. She didn’t know anything. Why was it there? Why did it make her feel things?

She was tempted to open her overall again. Just to check everything was okay. Overhead, green began to flash. The attack began. The ship rocked once, twice, with shots. Then it fell still. Rose put on her headphones. They had been a gift from Paige. Incredibly outdated, but she had gotten them to work nonetheless. She put on music.

***

A particular set of noises filled the halls of the ship. There was, as always, the cacophony of boots stomping around. Mixed with it was the hoots of victory and the groans and screams of the more severely injured. These noises greeted her most times when she pulled of her headphones. The intercom blared.

“All pirates are to meet in the community area right now.”

Rose heaved herself up and jogged through the hallways. The haul from the target would be distributed right now. Sometimes, few and far between, prisoners would also be presented to the crew and with a choice to join or to be spaced. However, that didn't happen often, since resources were scarce and precious. Deadox, as any useless persona on board was called, was not something they could afford. 

Rose shoved herself into the back of small the community area. There wasn’t a lot of crew on this ship, but enough to fill the space. She could spy her big sister Paige across the room. At the center, there was their captain. Their scaly fingers were wrapped around a new face Rose has never seen before, and their black tang-like hair were stuffed under an ancient pirate hat. 

The captain, Lekurum, wasn't human but was very inspired by ancient earthen pirates. Captain Lekurum originally hailed from the Biralus system and was a Cascalan, a race of pink, reptile-like bipedals. Like with all Cascalans, when Captain Lekurum started to speak in Standard there was clunky, metallic undertone to their voice, like shaking up a bunch of nuts and bolts.

“Associates. Today we have had yet another successful raid. More successful than usual, might I say.” Captain Lekurum chuckled roughly. “Therefore, everyone will be getting a bonus today.” The room cheered. “But before we divide up the haul, we have another matter to attend to. As you can see, we have taken a prisoner this time.” Accompanying their words, the captain gestured to the person in their fingers.

As the whole room intently stared at the person, Rose took the opportunity to regard them more closely. They were human, that much was clear. A human girl, as it seemed. Probably a young woman, about Rose’ age. She was clad in light scruffy drapes. Her skin was more in the pale side, although you could she that she had been getting a lot of sun until very recently. Her brown hair was fixed in three buns at the back of her head. Rose got the distinct impression that this was someone who survived. Not someone who had survived a bomb blast, but someone who did it daily. She didn't live. She survived. 

Captain Lekurum rose her out of her reverie. 

“Now, you have a choice. Either join this crew or be spaced.”

The young woman’s features hardened. 

“I join.”

At the end of her shift, when Rose changed, she noticed something. The bright, fixed star on her chest had moved.

***

On her next shift, she was introduced to the new woman. Apparently, she was going to be assisting Rose in the ship’s maintenance. It was about time that someone helped. But not only that was good news for her job. They had also gotten some replacement parts Rose had needed for some time, and most importantly, new air filters. Rose decided that was the first job the newcomer and her could do, while she introduced her to the ship. 

“So, you're Rey right? Uhm.” Rose started shyly. Let's face it. She wasn't good at interacting with anyone who wasn't Paige or didn't want something from her. 

“Yeah. And you're Rose? The - uh -”

“Mechanic. Ship maintenance.” Rose supplied. In all honesty, Rey didn't look anymore comfortable than Rose felt. But she had just been captured by pirates. 

“Master Heish told me that you have experience with this kind of ship?” Master Heish was the ship's administrator.

“Well, yes and no. Mostly completely damaged ones. I have taken Crelur-56’s apart several times though. Lived in a ship graveyard, so ...” Rey trailed of. 

Oh wow. It was good though. It meant Rey knew the insides and what she was working with.

“Well, there isn't much left of the original. Heavily modified by yours truly.” Rose quirked her lips. “The first thing we’ll do today is to change the air filters in Section A since we finally got some.”

After collecting the needed tools, they made their way to Section A. As they trudged through the halls they talked about this and that about the ship, Rose proudly showing of the modifications she had made. And somewhere along the way, Rose became more than comfortable talking to this complete stranger. But Rey listened to stuff no one else on the ship would listen to, and she gave her opinions and new ideas. She felt a kinship she hadn't for years.

They changed the air filters and then they did other odd jobs around the ship, even once dropping by with Paige at the guns. Paige was an ace with her guns. No one was allowed to touch them, not even Rose. But Paige showed them around, showing off her targeting systems. And a little worm wiggled in Rose mind. There was always this quiet fear every time Rose presented her friends or even people she liked to be her friends to her older sister; that they might like more than her, that they might think Paige was cooler than her, that she was simply a better person to hang out with than her. And it always seemed to work that way – Rose was the girl for everything but Paige was the star. Everyone knew Paige, everyone liked Paige. Paige and her guns. A dream team. Sometimes, Rose wished she could be a bit more like Paige. Nevertheless, Paige loved her, and Rose loved Paige, and they had been alone together forever. Paige was her older sister and she wouldn’t suddenly drop her.

But Rey might. She had just met Paige, after all. Rose really liked Rey. She just wanted to have a friend for herself for once.

***

At lunch – well, what passed for lunch on their shift. There weren’t really unified days on the ships and earthen customs were far from universal. It was simply a meal in the process of a contained time period, likened to days. Precisely, this was Meal Three on this particular standard solar. Anyways, at lunch, Rose and Rey collected their rations and Rose wished on a star that twinkled outside the window. She wished that Rey might sit with her, and not make a bee-line for the only other person she knew on this ship. But Rey followed Rose to her corner table under the window, and with every step were Rose didn’t lose her, she felt exponentially happier.

However, this had no effect whatsoever on the heavy cloud of uncomfortable silence hanging over their meal. Today it was a bowl of mush with their usual supplements – and, oh wonder! An actual fruit. Co’ok must be celebrating their acquiring of new supplies. Rose gathered her meager knowledge of social skills and decided to start a conservation.

“Sooo … you said you grew up on a ship graveyard. Where exactly?”

Rey followed to describe increasingly complicated directions to a planet in a dark corner of the galaxy. It seemed to Rose that this was a planet you only found if you truly looked for it. Or if you were spit out by a space anomaly. Rose wondered which of those would happen to her first. Space anomaly, definitely. Rey smiled at her. It was like – yes, she had asked a question! Clueless, Rose smiled back. Rey was nice enough to ask again.

“And where are you from?”

Rose dreaded this question. The short answer was that she didn’t know. The long answer was that she did know, but it involved the story of her birth and that of her fathers and it pained her to think of it. To think it might have been her fault.

“Nowhere, really. Here and there. I have been on this ship for the longest time. Captain Lekurum is like a grumpy relative to me.

“How was your home planet – what’s its name again – I’m so sorry I have incredibly bad short term memory –”

Rey laughed loudly. It was a laugh of someone who was truly enjoying themselves.

“It doesn’t matter. I hardly remember anything someone tells me that doesn’t have to do with ships. And it’s not actually my home planet, I think. I don’t know where that one is. But it’s cool.” Yet Rey’s eyes spoke a completely different story. It wasn’t cool. It bothered her. “Jakku, though, it’s sandy. It’s just sandy. Nothing but sand. And after a while, the sand sticks to you. I don’t think I’ll ever get it out.”

Rey pushed a hand through her hair. In its wake, sand trickled out. A lot of sand. Rey cracked a smile. It had a melancholic echo behind it.

“I have been away for more than four twenty-standard-s, and it’s still there. Hey, do you know what this is exactly is?” She pointed to the fruit on her tray.

Later, Rose checked her tattoo. The star had moved again.

***

Rey needed little time to get comfortable with the ship. Soon, they took different shifts, keeping watch over the ship throughout the standard solars. And sometimes, they took shifts together too. Those were Rose’s favorite times. She still wasn’t completely sure, but she did think Rey was her friend. 

*** 

It was about a twenty-standard-s later, and they had sighted a potential target again. The yellow lights dug themselves into Rose’s eyes. Rey followed her down to their battle station. When they arrived there, Rose dug out her pillows and settled on the floor. Rey cocked her head questioningly, but sat down next to her.

“Nothing really ever happens here ... We are usually superior to our targets and they’re usually scared of us, so I – sorry, we – only have to make sure we can get away. It gets really boring sometimes so I brought some pillows down here.” Rose made a mental note. Get more pillows for Rey.

Rey nodded and leaned back against the hull. Rose followed her movements. Then, as always, she took out her headphones and – she stopped. She looked down at the headphones in her hands, counted them, and then counted the amount of ears in the room. It didn’t match up. Sheepishly, she turned to Rey.

“Uhm, so, I usually listen to music during this time, and uh, I don’t want to make you feel alone or something, but I only got one pair of headphones.”

Rey looked at her headphones and then back at Rose.

“Aren’t those, like, ancient? And where did you get them from?”

“Yeah they are… Paige gave them to me. Hey! You want to share?”

Rose was pretty sure you could twist them so the ear things – she didn’t know how they were actually called – pointed in opposite directions. So if Rose and Rey sat closely next to each other they should both be able to listen. Something inside Rose opened up at the idea of sitting close to Rey, touching her.

Rey and Rose were holding the headphones to her ears and Rose put on her music. Like the headphones, it was something you would describe as ancient. But Rose loved it. Today she chose Bruce Springsteen, one of her favorite artists. He sang of an era long go by and a planet far away. The first song that came on was Jersey girl, and Rose sighed contentedly. Rey slightly leaned against her. Rose smiled a small smile. As she closed her eyes she made another mental note. Get some headphones for Rey and a jack that could combine two pairs at once. She’d have to build that one herself probably.

After, Rose was glad she had one ear free to listen to the engine. If she hadn’t had, she would have never noticed the faint leak that would have almost blown them all up. But she did, and she and Rey fixed it. Well, Rose taped over it with duct tape, while Rey monitored the engine’s stats. They also fixed a larger problem that popped up when Rose opened the engine to check the leak. Rose thought, as they shouted to each other of the engine’s roar, that she had never felt happier than here with Rey, in mortal danger.

When she went to sleep, she noticed that the star had moved again.

***  
They were in one of the ship’s interior walls again, and Rey was talking about Jakku. It was dark inside the wall, their space and their faces only lighted by the eerie glow of portable light worms. They were indigenous to the Bilarus system and were mainly disgusting and green, but the captain didn’t allow anything else on their ship. The greenish light had laid itself on their features and produced the impression that they were both slightly nauseated, which in turn, made Rose actually feel sick.

“So, since it’s a desert planet, there’s hardly any rain, right. There are some water sources on the poles but that’s it. So there aren’t any clouds usually. So at night, the sky is crystal clear and there are all these stars ...”

Rose loved listening to Rey talk as she worked. Well, she always loved to listen to Rey talk. She loved, although loved is probably too strong of a word, Rose thought, a lot of things about Rey. Except the slightly annoying things, of course, like how there was always sand in the toolbox. But she loved the way Rey laughed when she genuinely enjoyed herself. The way she would throw back her head and laugh loud without a care in the world. She loved the way Rey became so animated when talking about mechanics with her. She loved the way Rey leaned against her. She loved the way she was always curious. She also loved it that Rey understood her longing. Her longing for her family, for her fathers. That she could sit down with Rey and talk about their lost parents for hours on end, staring out into space as if to find them there.

“… and they span a band across the sky. They’re just all of these stars, and in you sit there in the sand at night and look up, you suddenly understand how big space is. How much of it there is. That most of it is still unexplored. And there are just all there above you, all of these stars, and the sand beneath your hands …”

It struck a chord inside of Rose, a chord that resided in her chest. Exactly under her expansive tattoo. She could feel endless space pressing down on her and the sand prickling and she could _feel_. She could hear the quiet rolling of the sand and the shifty movements of animals in the night and she could _hear_. She could see the stars twinkling and the black of the night and she could _see_. She could finally see.

She touched her chest, right there were she knew that bright star was burning through her clothes, moving the last bit to its rightful place on the firmament. She murmured first to herself, then to Rey, collecting courage as she went along.

“I can feel what you are saying I can feel it in my heart. And I might know the answer to that. For the longest time – I didn’t know the answer myself, but I understand now. I have this tattoo on my chest”, at this point Rey started opening up her overall. Go big or go home. “And it’s just that. A picture of a desert night – that desert night. And it moves. And I can feel it. I can feel it as if it were real and I have never seen sand in my life until you came along. But I know it. I know sand feels. I know how those stars feel and when u look up on them. And maybe it’s because, I don’t know that’s you. Because maybe I was destined to meet you or something. Although destiny is probably a piece of shit, or so I have heard. Doesn’t exist. But, that”, Rose pointed to her tattoo, in its full glory on her chest, “that’s real. And so are you.”

Rose stopped. She couldn’t talk anymore – she didn’t have anymore words to explain the rightness of all, how sure she was of herself. Tentatively, she looked up to Rey, where she was standing further along, illuminated green. Rose could see a tear peak out of her eye. And Rose was that tear, sliding out, falling, falling to anywhere. She couldn’t see the ground yet, only the ledge she had stood up on for most of her life. But now she was in free fall, desperate to be caught before she hit the ground in shambles.

And as she looked at Rey, she tried to tell her all of that. Tell her that through her eyes. Through words that wouldn’t come out of her mouth. And Rey spoke instead of her, for her. She pointed to her chest.

“I – it’s the same for me. There’s this thing – this tattoo on my chest and it feels so right now, like the stars have all aligned in the right way, like it’s finally clicking. Like an engine you have been working on for years and then you figure where you’ve been going wrong and you can turn it on, and it works. And you just feel so happy. That is how this feels.”

She showed Rose her chest. There it was, a rose in full bloom, its petals arranging themselves to make itself infinitely more beautiful. Slowly, Rose stuck out her hand. Very slowly, she touched the rose. A warm sensation coursed through her. Opposite her, Rey did the same, and it was as if a circuit was finally closed and the bulbs went on.

The star on Rose’s chest had ended its journey and now it stood right above her heart.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!! find me on [tumblr](http://divinetheta.tumblr.com)


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